Devin'sMile ~ DevinSmile

...Because a journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single step...

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A new chapter to our Devin book

Posted by Ivonne R on May 7, 2014 at 10:00 PM

It's been a while I don't write... it's been a while I don't do much actually!  Life just has its twists and turns and as much as we try to pretend we can control it, we really can't!


I sit here late at night looking over my little special boy, my forever baby... seeing his chest rise and fall as he deeply sleeps and my mind just swirls...  How did we get so lucky to have such a wonderful little man in our lives but at the same time question how we could be so lucky to have to face all these trials and tribulations? I suppose no one ever asks for this... this is what tests the human spirit... or so they say?!  Don’t they? (and really, who are they that say this? :P)


Today (tonight) we add another page to Devin's little (did I say little? Huge!) book... what we were hoping was a fluke back in December is now a reality for our little Devin and us. We can now consider Devin as being affected by seizures since it's no longer just the one.  Tonight we started him and us on this 2 year long, hopeful path that this second seizure will be the last but filled with doubt and sadness in my heart that it won't be.


I never thought I could find space to worry more for this little person - really, how can I? Surely I can't fit anymore into my brain! But apparently I can / will / do.  It's nerve wracking just thinking about it... I don't want to think about it  {as I stammer and stomp my feet :/ } but my brain has it there now, front and center and it's NOW one of the hardest things I’m doing.


It's so crazy to go thru: When will he finally sit?  When will he finally walk? When will he speak?...To: When will be the next seizure?

 

My God and my prayers are keeping me sane for now... my new work promotion is keeping me too busy to think and ponder “what if” during the day... my need to look back eventually and say "remember when he didn't walk?!..." keeps me going (because he did sit up, he did walk and someday I hope to hear him say "Mom").


I’m so Thankful for everything in my life… I know this is just another chapter in our little mystery book (Devin) :D


~Mom



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